Lovemaking and yoga

stillpoint-blog4LOVEMAKING – WHAT IS IT?

In short, lovemaking is the most important physical energetic happening between two people that can be experienced on this planet.

And lovemaking is exactly what the name implies:




Who makes love? I do! With my partner!

So, when I first started to get involved in yoga and started to read with great interest various yogic scriptures including Patanjali’s yoga sutras and the Hatha yoga pradipika..

I was very surprised that the word ”LOVE” was missing entirely.

I could not believe it. In these famous classical works you find great concepts such as shaucha (cleanliness), satya (the truth),  dharana (keeping the focus), pratyahara (withdrawing senses), dhyana (meditation) and samadhi (union with the divine).

But I did not find LOVE. Strange!


Here I was, knowing from my own life-long experience that lovemaking is the most powerful motivator in my life, and there I was reading all sorts of nonsense about controlling sexuality (brahmacharya) and even branding women in the same category as evil minded people (hatha yoga pradipika)

Here is what Wikipedia has to say about BRAHMACHARYA:

“In another context, brahmacharya is the virtue of celibacy when unmarried and fidelity when married. It represents a virtuous lifestyle that also includes simple living, meditation and other behaviors.
In the Hindu, Jain, and Buddhist monastic traditions, brahmacharya implies, among other things, the mandatory renunciation of sex and marriage. It is considered necessary for a monk’s spiritual practice. Western notions of the religious life as practiced in monastic settings mirror these characteristics.” (bold lettering by me)


This of course means that unless married, no love making. I wonder how many people (including yogis) manage to do that without becoming slightly disturbed.

And as you might know, the tradition of most modern yogic practices such as Krishanmacharya’s “viniyoga”, Pathabhi Joise’s “ashtanga yoga” and B.K.S Iyengar’s “Iyengar yoga” are all based on Patanjali’s yoga sutras. Although all three were married men, their marriage was in the context of Hindu tradition. It also does well to keep in mind that both Swami Svātmārāma (author of the Hatha yoga Pradipika) as well as Patanjali were male Hindu monks.

Here is a short exerpt of the HATHA YOGA PRADIPIKA (chapter 1 verse 62 and 63)

62. “Food heated again, dry, having too much salt, sour, minor grains, and vegetables that cause burning sensation, should not be eaten. Fire, women, travelling, etc., should be avoided“.
63. “As said by Goraksa, one should keep aloof from the society of the evil-minded, fire, women, travelling, early morning bath, fasting, and all kinds of bodily exertion”. (bold lettering by me)



Let’s look into BRAHMACHARYA first. It is my understanding that brahmacharya, if misunderstood as sexual celibacy, will lead to very strange sexual behavior patterns and push sexuality into the brain under the category of ”don’t, dirty and bad”.

This of course produces sex, sexual fantasizing and aberrant sexual behavior. You cannot suppress sexuality without creating all sorts of tension and dishonesty.

So I decided to check out how the various Indian spiritual leaders where doing it. This is what I found within an hour of internet research:

  • Mahatma Ghandi – the famous Indian politician who brought independence to India, claimed to be celibate but was known to have a rather bizarre way of proving this to himself.
  • Paramahansa Yogananda – the famous celibate magic monk who brought Kriya yoga may have not been that celibate, although in his case proof is hard to come by.
  • Satya Sai Baba – another great Indian magic guru who was accused of many cases of sexual abuse of his disciples.
  • Swami Akhandananda Saraswati – accused and jailed for sexual abuse of disciples of Swami Satyananda Saraswati
  • Sri. Patthabi Jois –  founder of Ashtanga yoga, used dangerous and questionable adjustments as you can see in this video.
  • Dr. Kausthub Desikachar – grandson of Krishnamacharya, accused of sexually abusing disciples.
  • Bikram Choudhury – the founder of Bikram yoga was accused and sued for sexually abusing disciples.
  • Swami Muktanada – the founder of Siddha Yoga, celibate, accused of sexually abusing his disciples.
  • Swami Satchitananda – the founder of Integral Yoga, accused of sexually abusing his disciples<./li>
  • Swami Rama – the founder of the Himalayan Institute of Yoga Science and Philosophy, accused of sexually abusing his disciples.

This is an impressive list. And of course there are the westerners:

I need to mention here that I don’t know any of these people I linked to personally. I don’t know if these claims are true or not. Some of these guys admitted what they had done, while others denied or say nothing.

I don’t like dabbling in negativity if I can avoid it, but in this case it seemed necessary to put this into the post.

My intention is to underline the fact that sexual repression of any kind tends to create dishonesty and aberrant sexual behavior, especially if it is tied to a religious undertone. (To be honest, finding this many references of sexual misconduct surprised me. I knew of some but not that many.)

On a further note, I am absolutely fine if a man or woman has many sexual partners as long as the relationships are honest, consensual and serve love. What I dislike is the dishonesty of misleading people by not openly telling what is really going on behind the scene.


Lets’ look into the statements from the HATHA YOGA PRADIPIKA now.


Why is it that a woman has to be avoided or put into a category of ”mother” (AMMA) or ”goddess” to be accepted as woman? What is so disturbing about her?

What might be very disturbing is that woman tends to put FIRST THINGS FIRST. In other words she puts love first.

Woman also generally has a much, much broader and intuitive view of life which can be threatening to the male intellectual mind.

As men’s psyche tends to be linear, logical and intellectual, woman’s psyche tends toward the holistic and intuitive.

In general it is very obvious that woman is very different from man in pretty much all aspects of her psyche and being.

But the main disturbing reason might be that:


In many different ways.


So to understand this idiocy of suppressing woman, it is necessary to understand (from a yoga point of view) that traditional yoga, as it is taught around the planet, is based on a PATRIARCHAL tradition (that means men created the teaching first and then rule by it.. ).

This apparently dates back to the ancient vedic scriptures that have been passed on to us by a group of men called rishis, ( and although it appears that not all rishis were men, we do our best to disprove this.)

For some weird reason it was always assumed that true intelligence is only found in a man and if it was found in a woman, that woman had to have been an otherworldly being and was categorized as “GODDESS” or ”MOTHER”.

So, as to not be disturbed in his traditional holy contemplation of the source of life and terms like SAMADHI or MOKSHA etc, the serious yogi will have to put woman into a certain role where she becomes useful to him but never, ever dominating, disturbing or threatening. In other words, she was treated as little more than a servant.

Traditionally she is given children to raise and a household to keep.

In our modern western world it is actually quite similar. Many women that I know are often busy morning to evening taking care that the family holds together or that some sort of love stays in their (love) relationship.

Man meanwhile takes care of the ”important” things in life, like money, politics or spiritual intellectual exercises.

So man was traditionally very comfortable with teaching other men and only the occasional woman, a practice that persisted until not too long ago (only the recent inclusion of the west has brought a lot of women into the traditional yogic fold – a very interesting change of equilibrium).

Although traditional Hindu scriptures include texts like the Kama Sutra (2nd century A.D), which details sexual practices of the day, by the 15th century A.D. the practice of being with women was dropped as it was deemed unnecessary and according to the HATHA YOGA PRADIPIKA even harmful for spiritual enlightenment. Woman was clearly seen as disturbing to the male mind.


yinyangConcurrently to the development of patriarchal yoga lineage however, there was a movement called TANTRIC YOGA.
Tantric yoga was based on the fact that the male and female psyche complement and complete each other.

One of the basic principles of tantric yoga is the worship of woman by man.

The famous YIN/YANG symbol is a depiction of this tantric truth.

Although tantric yoga is at least as old as the patriarchal approach it has been pushed aside over the centuries for the simple reason that the powerful female holistic consciousness is based in intuition, union, love and wholeness. For some obscure reason is disturbing to the male approach of intellectual self control.



This is a good moment to clear up a common misconception of today: Tantric yoga is NOT sex!

Tantric yoga is worship of the female principle “SHAKTI” by the male principle “SHIVA”.

Shakti is the underlying female power that creates this existence. Shakti is free energy, wild and uncontrolled – a force of nature, if you wish.

As such Shakti will of course enjoy sexuality with a loving partner but in a very different way than what is taught as sex in the world.

Tantric sexuality is a free flowing sexual life energy that transforms the psyche (and the physical body) of both man and woman.

It is the linking of two physical bodies to the love that is the source of this entire existence. IT IS VERY SACRED and has nothing to do with peoples idea of ”SEXYOGA”.


SEX, the way we use the word every day and what is shown to us in movies, is actually an energy that is stuck in the sexual aspect of the psyche and tends to create sexual obsession and sexual thinking. It is by no means “bad” (there really is no “good or bad” in life, life is what it is. If it wasn’t meant it be it would not be). Sexual energy is life energy, it just happens to be stuck, can’t move on.

However, this type of obsessive sex, as we observe every day, creates restlessness and anger (among other side effects). It tends to be self centered (me first), and unfortunately also has a  tendency toward abuse (sex, drugs etc.) (I’ll be writing about this at a later stage).

Love on the other hand is always “you first”, the only recipe that will ensure the survival of love (if that sounds a bit priestly, I am definitely not a priest. All I do is observe life and speak from my own experience)

If sex reaches into yoga, as it obviously has in some yoga movements, it definitely does become sexyoga. As exciting and fulfilling that might be to the sexual part of the psyche, it is often woefully ignorant of the true meaning of tantra, which actually aims to transform sexuality into love. As this is what most “tantric” yoga teacher claim they do, something must have gotten wrong, otherwise there would not be court cases all over the place and accusations of abuse. A woman that is in a true tantric love relationship will feel truly loved and not even dream about suing the partner.

But it IS true that to transform sexuality into love, love needs to be made physically.

Avoiding lovemaking or making nonsense rules that try to avoid the subject will never ever create love and only create confusion.

(And by the way for the yogis: the second chakra – Svadisthana – cannot open until sexuality is free flowing and is without suppression).



First of all, lovemaking is a physical process. That means penis in a vagina.

It does not mean the love for a guru, a god or some other spiritual process that promises to create more love by using some kind of imagination. Love has to be made between two people. Very simple.

Lovemaking starts by asserting love practically as often as possible. You start telling your lover (husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend) how much you honestly love him or her. That will lead to a loving psyche and reaffirm that love is actually possible.

This has to be repeated often throughout the day. It is not enough to say it once and leave it at that.

And you have to mean it.

Then you start showing your love by action. You commit yourself to love.

This means that you are really together with the person you love. You talk together, you act together, you plan together, you touch each other often. Every day you merge a little more. This takes time, sometimes a long time.  For me, this is why I am here on this planet for the time that I am here.

Touching is important, even if it is just a small stroke of the hair or a kiss in the kitchen. Buy flowers.

Acting like this re-affirms the love on a daily basis and will eventually break through all the sexual taboos or sexual excitements that you have accumulated from society, parents, religions, movies, friends, books or social media.

Physically and psychically, all of the above will soften and relax the body, including the genital organs. In many people the genitals are actually in a perpetual state of over-excitement, particularly in youth. This is because sex is continuously stimulated by media and thinking. It follows that sex hormone output is continuously off the charts.

Love between the genital organs is the meeting of the female and male principle in the physical body. It creates joy and love in both partners. When this rises to tantric levels the purpose of this existence is revealed.

Ever been in love? That is how it feels like.

And contrary to societal norm, physical lovemaking does not stop in older age. Why would it?

In case you currently don’t have a partner, that is perfectly fine. You are not missing out. You are actually in a state of natural brahmacharya. You are in a state of transition from one love relationship to another. In this in-between state you live the love that you have made thus far. You simply enjoy your life as best you can; and love when and where it is right to love.

And when a suitable partner comes again, you are ready.


Now when you talk to women and ask what is most important to them, many will answer without hesitation that it is LOVE.

It is not money, job, food, technology, politics, entertainment, exercise, etc. It is love.

Because intuitively woman knows that love is the door to joy and freedom. Everything else follows from there.

Money, job, technology, politics, entertainment, sports, etc., are usually what men are more interested in (and which they all too often put as priority before love).

There is nothing wrong with money, career, technology, politics, entertainment, sports, etc.; it is just that they are SECONDARY aspects of life.

The consequences of a man or woman forgetting about love being the priority in life, are:

  • self-doubt
  • increasing emotionality (especially fear and anger)
  • increasing mentality
  • increasing sexuality and sexual thinking
  • confusion
  • increasing hardness (both physical and psychological)
  • gender independency
  • religious fervour


From my perspective, no amount of political, religious, economic or technological change will ever bring love back to this planet. All of these are external changes.

If those external changes would bring love back, we would mainly see loving people in the different countries of our planet, which we don’t.

If you read the news, it is very obvious that love is missing. There is fighting, bickering and a lot of negative news.

The closest we can come to love on a national level appears to be peace treaties between nations and on a personal level all too often the different types of compromises in relationships (after the initial love and attraction have gone) while slowly first love is fading away.

We then take the love that is left and project it onto our children (and animals) but all too often forget that the love relationship between man and woman is the source of those children.

And we are so used to this that we think it is normal. It’s not!

Having just described the everyday reality of many people, I do also have to acknowledge that more and more men and women have woken up (and are waking up) to the everyday reality of love and it’s primary importance. We have the privilege of having a lot of these people in our lives. – A REAL BLESSING!!


As I see it, we need to get back to living FIRST THINGS FIRST:

LOVE FIRST (always) and with that we will…

    • automatically create politicians that tell us the truth
    • transcend fear
    • living a natural and healthy sexuality
    • start KNOWING god (which is entirely different from BELIEVING in god)
    • create economic equality which stops the abuse of others
    • start using our amazing technology for the good of the people living here on this planet
    • live in wonderful and joyful relationships that contribute to more and more love


To sum up:



If this sounds like utopia, make it happen in your own life. Then one day utopia will be real.

If this takes a lot of time, so what? 1000 years, 10000 years? So what? Start now and watch your life getting better and better day after day.

I’d like to end this blog with a quote from the great movie “The Fifth Element“:




so please…




With love comes true intelligence.

With love comes the consciousness of the whole, the mythical samadhi.

With love comes the natural body consciousness that knows what is good to eat or not good to eat.

With love comes joy, laughter and peace.

With love comes a subtle body that stays naturally healthy.

With love come healthy relationships.

With love everybody wins.

Love is lovemaking.

Love is your birthright.




P.S. I sometime get asked about gay people.

I am not gay so I can only assert that love is between a man and a woman, shiva and shakti, yin and yang if you like.

From the experience I have with gay people I have observed that even in gay couples there is always one that represents the female aspects and one that represents the male. So although the body physiology is of the same sex, the psychic principles of male/female are still in place.